"Top Ten Myths of Divorce"

Everyone has their different outlooks on divorce. Most people sterotype it as the husband cheating on his wife or visa versa. Or as a way out, a way to easily move on and find another significant other to spend their life with. Others can see it as a chance to move on and find someone else that makes him/her happier. Sometimes couples can end on good terms and move on with their lives knowing that maybe they can still be good friends, especially for their kids sake. I wish that was the case for my parents divorce, but I am old and mature enough to be okay with the decision they have made. I just want them both to be happy.

David Popenoe discusses the top ten myths about divorce and how people have misinterpreted it. "Number one, people because people learn from their bad experiences, second marriages tend to be more successful than first marriages. Number two, living together before marriage is a good way to reduce the chances of eventually divorcing. Number three, divorce may cause problems for many of the children who are affected by it, but by and large these problems are not long lasting and the children recover relatively quickly. Number four, having a child together will help a couple to improve their marital satisfaction and prevent a divorce.

Number five, following divorce, the woman’s standard of living plummets by seventy three percent while that of the man’s improves by forty two percent. Number six, when parents don’t get along, children are better off if their parents divorce than if they stay together. Number seven, because they are more cautious in entering marital relationships and also have a strong determination to avoid the possibility of divorce, children who grow up in a home broken by divorce tend to have as much success in their own marriages as those from intact homes. Number eight, following divorce, the children involved are better off in stepfamilies than in single-parent families. Number nine, being very unhappy at certain points in a marriage is a good sign that the marriage will eventually end in divorce. Finally number ten, it is usually men who initiate divorce proceedings."

Silverstein has found that, "women who have spent most of their lives defining themselves by their importance to their husbands, children or parents, are the ones who experience "suddenly being single" as a time of uncertainty and discontinuity." In a relationship, you have to be able to have that freedom, that trust level in each other. It's not a bad thing to live your life for others, but make sure that you leave time for yourself. I've learned that your children are the most imporant things in your life. That's the choice my mom made, let's just hope somewhere along the line my dad realizes the choices he's made.

Images are from flikr.

"Annulment or Divorce?"

When trying to come to a conclusion about ending a marriage, some people consider an annulment rather than a divorce. Some also ask themselves, what is an annulment? An annulment is a decree that a marriage was invalid from its onset. According to ExpertLaw, an annulment is a legal decress that effectively undoes the marriage, suggesting that the marriage never existed.

ExpertLaw states that, "Annulments are typically available under these circumstances: You and your spouse are close biological relatives and should have qualified for marriage under the law; One of the spouses didn't have the mental capacity to enter into a marriage contract; One of the spouses was below the legal age to consent marriage; You or your spouse entered this marriage as a result of stress or force; You or your spouse were fraudulently induced into entering the marriage; Your spouse was married to another living person at the time of the marriage."

The duration of a marriage does not affect whether or not a annulment is an option or not. It is available for whenever that decision needs to be made. Steve Escalera once said, "Unlike a divorce judgement, which may specify a future date on which the marital status ends, a judgment of nullity frees the parties to remarry immediately." On a more personal level, I am happy my parents didn't make the decision for an annulment. I feel as if that means they were never really married; that the 27 years they spent together meant nothing.

For the most part, annulments take place only after a few months or weeks, so there are usually no assets or debts to divide, or child custody, visitation and child support are a concern. Children of an annulled marriage are not considered illegitimate. Some prefer an annulment because it may be easier to remarry in their church if they go through an annulment rather than a divorce. There are two types of annulments: religious and civic annulments. According to FindLaw, "A religious annulment can be obtained after a civil divorce so that one or both can remarry, within the church or anywhere else. A civic annulement has to require at least one of these following reasons: misrepresentation or fraud, concealment, refusal or inability to consummate the marriage, and misunderstanding." These "rules"vary from state to state. In making these decisions, each individual has to be happy, whether or not it be the right decision and taking everyone's feelings into consideration.

Images are from flikr.

"Child Custody"

Divorce affects people in many ways, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Currently, according to divorce source, "The divorce rate is increasing at an outstanding rate and close to 50% of children are growing up in a single parent environment."

Children need their parents in order to develop as planned. If the bond between the parent and child is broken, negative consequences can be a result. Personally, having to "choose sides" is not the easiest thing. Your mother and father are the two most important people in your life. That's where child custody comes into play.

Basic child custody rights are as follows: "the court makes the final decision, thus assumes full responsibility in order to permanently safeguard the child against acute or chronic feelings of guilt; in most states the court will consider the child's wishes differently according to his or her age; in a situation involving more than one child, experts feel that it is usually best to keep all siblings together with respect to the custody arrangements; divorce splits the bond of husband and wife, and custody splits the bond of parenting."

The decision for the child to make between the two is one of the hardest decisions he or she will ever have to make. The parents need to make it easy on the child as their going through this difficult time. They don't need to be the subject or source of any argument, continuing care from each parent, and to continue to be treated like a piece of property. Parental superivison and/or care if needed at all times. They need to know they are still wanted and they aren't the reason for this divorce. Visitation rights are optional. It all depends on the age of the child. As for me, I choose not to go to my father's every other weekend. It was a mature choice of mine, as for I have gotten older and feel no need to choose.

According to Mary Ann Mason, "Child parent relationships are not likely to become simpler, they will only grow in variety and complexity as technology advances and marriage retreats from its role as the central child-raising instiution."

All photes are from http://flickr.com/photos.

"Dealing with Divorce"

For any individual, divorce is a critical turning point in life. It doens't matter whether it already happened, is happening, or will happen, it affects each person on a different, personal level. I can 100% agree with this statement, as for I am going through a hard time with my parents divorce.

The simple question of why is always asked. Why are my parents splitting? What went wrong? Most relationships come to an end when the parents aren't getting along, aren't connecting on either a personal or sexual level, out of anger, too much fighting, or for the simple fact that they have found another significant other to fall in love with. Most of the time it's the child blaming themselves for their split. However, this is not the case at all. It never has anything to do with the children, it's always the couples probems.

According to Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, "a significant amount of children suffer for many years from psychological and social difficulties associated with continuting and/or new stresses."

Nemours Foundation states, "In a situation like this, your feelings get the best of you. You experience a lot of mixed emotions. You can either me mad, upset, frustrated, or sad. Sometimes you even blame one parent more than the other." On the other hand, it might come as a relieft in the household. Maybe there was a lot of tension going on at home and now this happened for the better. You are always asking yourself question after question.

For a while, situations within the "family" will become more and more difficult. In order to remain as civil as possible, you need to keep the peace at home, keep in touch, be fair, work it out, talk about the future, live your life, and let others help. Don't shut yourself out from everyone in your life. You need all the help you can get!

All photos are from http://flickr.com/photos.

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