"The Price You Have To Pay"

People have many fears in life. I know my biggest fear is death. According to Kevin McDonald, "Death is the final stage of life, something we all must face. But many people go through another kind of death well before the coffin. It's divorce."

Divorce is death of a marital relationship. "Divorce is big business in the United States. According to maritalstatus.com, a Web site geared toward divorce and remarriage, divorce is a $28 billion-a-year industry with an average cost of about $20,000." When a divorce is final, most couples hire an attorney to make sure that assets, child support, alimony and other aspects are handled fairly. The legal fees are generally lower than a mediated or contested divorce. Here's a general rule of thumb: "The more complicated and emotional the divorce, the more expensive it will be, according to several attorneys nationwide."

Most lawyers charge an hourly rate, so expect to pay between $100 and $450 an hour, says Jan Warner of Columbia, S.C., a divorce attorney for 30 years. "Some lawyers may charge as little as $75 an hour, according to maritalstatus.com, with an up-front retainer of $500 to $10,000."
A retainer is the initial fee you pay the lawyer. The attorney's hourly rate is then deducted from the retainer. Once the money is gone, you pay additional money to keep the attorney on your case.

California divorce attorney Marilyn S. Slifman says many couples can't afford to hire a lawyer and are forced to look for other ways to settle matters. Some couples hire an attorney only for certain services. The choice is yours! "Separate the finances from the emotions. Think about the divorce as a business deal and what is best for you. Formulate goals and work toward them," says Wall.

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"Kidney or Divorce?"

When you walk down that aisle and make that committment, "Until death do us part" you're suppose to mean it. Being married and in love means you will do anything and everything for your husband or wife. Dr. Richard Batista's wife, Dawnell Batista, needed a kidney and he gave her one. But, when push comes to shove, and she files for a divorce, he asks for it back.

If doesn't get his kidney back, his attorney, Dominic Barbara of Garden City, said his client wants $1.5 million, which reflects in part the value of the kidney transplant. Robert Veatch, a medical ethicist at Georgetown University's Kennedy Institute of Ethics, noted that "it's illegal for an organ to be exchanged for anything of value." Organs in the United States can't be bought or sold. Being an organ don

or or actually just giving an organ away is a gift. Any human being should be thankful for receiving a "gift" like this and any individual giving this gift should feel and think very highly of themselves. It is the least selfish thing they could ever possibly do. "It's her kidney now and . . . taking the kidney out would mean she would have to go on dialysis or it would kill her," Veatch said. Going through a divorce can probably be one of the most heart breaking situations to go through. It can either end on good or bad terms. Not terms in which you are physically taking back an organ that is keeping someone alive; that's just sick and insane.

Supposibly Batista didn't even really want his kidney back. He said it was in exchange for visitation rights with his three children. He donated his kidney to her in June 2001 after she had undergone two other failed transplants when her kidneys stopped working. His first goal was to save her and his second goal was turn the marriage around. Their marriage was shakey because of her illness. In June 2005, Dawnell filed for the divorce. Batista said he was happy with his gift of life: "I was walking on a cloud. I did the right thing for her and to this day I would do it again!" In all, demanding for his kidney back was just a fake. In reality, he was fighting for his children, he just didn't go about it in the correct way!

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"Bed and Board Divorce"

There really isn't a legal proceeding to have a legal separation in New Jersey. The closest thing to a "legal separation" provided in New Jersey is a "divorce from bed and board."

In the 1950's and 60's, bed and board divorce was very popular. Back then it was considered a mortal sin. A bed and board divorce is not really a divorce, but more than a legal separation. In this specific divorce, the couple is economically divorced, but are still legally married. "The parties obtain a judgment that equitably distributes the assets, makes support and alimony awards, apportions debts, sells the marital home, and divides pensions." A divorce from bed and board does not get rid of the marital bond, it only states that the couple is now legally separated. The primary reason in obtaining a divorce from bed and board is to enable both spouses to maintain health insurance.

A major benefit of a divorce from bed and board is that a separated spouse can still receive health insurance benefits from other spouse's employee health plan. The health plan can't be terminated beause it's not a complete divorce. An advantage of this type of divorce is that it can be modified; the couple can apply for a suspension from bed and board. It can converted from a limited divorce to a complete divorce.

This is the type of divorce my parents are going through right now. They are not legally divorced, but are very much separated, until one wishes to get remarried. My mother is a nanny and my father works for Pepsi-Cola, so mother relies a lot on my father's income. She is an independent, determined woman and I have no doubt she could make it on her own. But, for now this is the situation they have decided to go along with. According to Johnny Carson, "The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money!"

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"Don't Let It Get The Best Of You"

Getting married at such a young age isn't exactly the smartest decision to make. You have to know yourself and the person you're getting yourself in involved with. You have to be happy and know what you want. From the very beginning, you set goals and expectations for yourself. Don't go any lower than those you have set. According to LJ Weitzman, "These young mothers and older women experience a 73% decline in their standard of living (many have to sell their homes) while their husbands average a 42% increase in theirs."

This is a true story coming from a young, 24-year-old woman that has been through it all: graduating high school, marriage, children, owned her own business, been divorced, owned a home, found her "soul mate," and had another child. She got married at 18 and had her first child at 19. She was raised to be indepdent. She never really relied on anyone. Of course, going through her divorce, her parents were there to support her. They gave her and her son a place to live until they could get back on their feet. Being an independent woman, that didn't last for long and she bought a house before the divorce was even final.

Her and her ex came from two very different families. He was from a "high class" family, where she was from a middle class family who worked everyday of their lives to get what they needed. He thought money grew on trees. Most of the timee, statistically financial problems are the main reason for divorce. Six months after the divorce, she found the love of her life. He was going through a divorce at about the same time. Life does get better after divorce! "I thought up this quote one day, shortly after my separation, and have lived by it ever since. “Good things don’t happen to people. People make good things happen.”

She would love to be a stay at home mom, but she doesn't want to rely on the man shes loves completely in financial areas. She wants to work her way through this. There was light at the end of the tunnel for her. Don't give up on a good thing!

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"Religion Comes Into Play"

Divorce is an overall major decision to be made. Who would have ever thought religious views would get in the way or affect the way your perceive divorce? If an individual feels that their faith or values will be "toyed" with, then this isn't exactly the situation they need to be in.

Mel Gibson takes religion very seriously. "If his epic film about Jesus weren't an indication, the church he built for Roman Catholic "traditionalists" like himself might be a giveaway." The real question is, how does this split from his wife Robyn affect his overall beliefs? Roger McCaffrey, founding publisher and former editor of The Latin Mass magazine and the publisher of Roman Catholic Books states, "He's a man who stoutly believes in the indissolubility of marriage, but now," McCaffrey tells PEOPLE, "this marriage problem is going to test his flexibility to the max."

He still will be practicing Catholic, and still receive communion. Therefore, by having a civil divorce he will not techniqually be living in grave sin. If Gibson decidied he wanted to remarry, he would file for an annulment like members of churches dealing with Roman Catholics. Throughout their marriage, Robyn Gibson took an active role in the church. In 2003, Mel Gibson states, "There is no salvation for those outside the Church. I believe it. Put it this way. My wife is a saint. She's a much better person than I am. Honestly."

Gibson is a man of his word. He truly believed that Robyn would be better off without. At least this was a more "successful" divorce, unlike others we have read about. Hopefully each seek happiness sooner or later. Religion plays a big role in a lot of people's lives and if a divorce if the answer to their prayers, then so be it!

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"Exploring the Unknown"

Let's take a look at this from a woman's perspective. Coming out of a divorce, we have to keep our guard up, especially if we were just recently cheated on. We tend to take things slow. According to womansdivorce, "Your first serious relationship after a divorce can feel like a breath of fresh air." It's not the easiet for any woman to let another man into their life after such rough times, whether it be cheating or just not getting along with one another. After some time has passed, things get a little easier and we tend to recognize our surroundings. The first man can make a woman feel so wanted and appreciated after a divorce. It may feel too good. It may not feel right first thing, but explore and keep your options open. Who knows, the next one you meet might actually be "the one."

Dating isn't necessarily your first option. Go out with some friends to a bar or the movies, have a good time. It not unusual for a woman to have many sexual affairs after a bitter divorce. So many emotions are buillt up to where you have no choice but to let loose. It's all a part of the healing process. Womansdivorce says it all. "This is a person that seems to be the answer to all your dreams. They're the "special boyfriends" that ease a divorced woman through the trauma - they're good to them; they listen to them; they're sensitive to their needs but never demanding; and they fulfill their sexual hunger." Have fun for now but be aware of all possibilities. Don't get yourself stuck in the same situation you were in before.

Don't be afraid to cut someone off though. If you aren't happy with the new relationship your in, be honest. Be the person your significant other wasn't when you were together. You can't hold back. You have nothing to lose. At this point, you just want to have fun, it's all about you, don't get caught up, and go with what your heart tells you. Happiness is key to success!

According to Dr. Laura Berman, "Dating is often a risky and adrenaline-pumping adventure, but when you date after divorce, hearts aren’t the only commodities on the line. Between kids, potential step-relations, money issues and exes, dating after divorce can be a tricky and stressful undertaking."

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"Doing What It Takes"

As a little kid, a lot of what I said and did came from my favorite movies. I had gotten in trouble one time for calling my dad a bad word and of course he asked where I had heard that word from. I simply replied "Kindergarden Cop," my favorite movie as a child. Nevertheless, I was grounded and the movie was taken away. Movies today show a lot of what goes on in the real world. Children tend to feed off their role models. What they see in movies is how they act in every day life. They'd never think that what happens in movies could really happy to them.

A favorite movie of mine that portrays divorce in a rather entertaining, odd way is, "Mrs. Doubtfire." Daniel Hillard, or as we all know him Robin Williams is an out-of-work voice actor whose wife Miranda is fed up with his irresponsibility and demands a divorce. Since Miranda is the main provider in the family, she gets primary custody of all three children, Lydia, Chris, and Natalie. Daniel only had visitation rights on Saturday evenings. This news is obviously heart breaking to Daniel or any father as a matter of fact.

When he sees that Miranda had put an add in the paper for a housekeeper, he changes the phone number so that he is the only applicant. He changes his voice several times, disguising himself as different older women. But, finally he finds the perfect one for the job, Mrs. Doubtfire. He had them all fooled for a while, until Chris saw him going to the bathroom "the wrong way." It was then that he let out his secret. That night Miranda and her new boyfriend, Stuart Dunmeyer invite Mrs. Doubtdfire out for dinner. This is where Daniel's cover was blown. He had secretively put pepper in Stuart's dinner (he's allergic) and had to perform abominal thrusts to stop him from dying. As he was doing so, his mask fell off and his real identity was revealed.

All he wanted was to spend more time with his children and he went to all lengths to make sure that was done. Of course the court felt that his behavior was absurd and sole custody was given to Miranda. She saw how upset the children were and asked Daniel to watch them after school, allowing for them to spend some time together without the supervision of a court liasion. This is a man who fought for his children, as any father should. I feel that this movie showed great determination and strong will. Any man should put their life on the line for the best things that ever walked into their lives. This was a good transition from all the other facts that I have provided; breaks the ice and shows what a real father would do!

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"Ask Him Not Her"

Concerning divorce, we always think its the man hurting the woman. He's either running around with another woman or not giving her everything she wants or deserves. But, in this case it was the other way around.

A dentist worth $8 million dollars (not good enough?) gets thrown on him one day that their sex life is fulfilling and that she would like to start swinging with other couples. He told her what he believes in will not allow for him to act in such a way. She says. "Well, tell you what I am going to take a boyfriend and you will pay for the apartment and expenses..If you don't I will divorce you, take the kids, and your money." Of course, like anyone in their right mind he said no and she did exactly what she said she would do. The courts ordered him to split the assets 75%/25% and then ordered him to pay $10,000/month in alimony and $5,000 a month in child support, all other legal bills, and provide medical insurance for her and the kids plus give them the family home.

Losing his kids and wife was awful. Not only did his family suffer, but his business did as well. However, the courts said that he could afford to pay the money ordered, even though he was in bankruptcy and put him in jail when he couldn't. When he went to jail, his ex's boyfriend knew someone and they had him marked as a child abuser even though he wasn't. He found himself facing people in jail who wanted to kill him, thinking he was a child abuser when actually he was there for not paying alimony.

Women can be crazy. Their needs have to be fulfilled at all times. Don't be too slow to think they won't pull anything fast. Can life really be that bad? Is anyone really that selfish to take everything away from someone or something that invested so much time?

Margarett Atwood quotes,“A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there is less of you!"

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"Daddy's New Friend"

Some time has passed and your ex-husband things it's the right time to introduce his "new fling" to your children. What do you do? Do you have the right to say anything? Is it the child's decision on what he or she wants to do? The tale of a true story....

About a month ago, a young girl went on a visit with her father and was accompanied by his new girlfriend. The young girl comes home to her father telling her all about it, "she is so pretty and her hair is so long." The mother had nothing else to think about except the fact that it was his new girlfriend. The father has obviously decided to bring his new girlfriend to his daugther's custodial visit. The mother calls to confirm this and he does confirm that this happened. Not only did his daughter meet this new woman, but former friends of the couples also did.

Trying to keep in her anger the mother asks, "what happens if she gets attached to...this one?" The father goes on to explain that she is genuine and very sweet and that their daughters best interests are at heart. The mother is in a really tough spot right now? How will she ever explain to her daugther that her father is physically attracted to his pretty lady friend? The daughter comes home from their annual visits telling her mommy about how daddy's pretty friend was holding her hand as they crossed the street or how she bought her favorite candy. All a mother can do it put on a fake smile and wipe the tears from her face.

Being put in a situation like this is not easy. My dad's new "friend" is believe it or not an old family friend. She will never get an ounce of respect for me or a day in the world to tell her story. She hurt my mother terribly and it is time for her to get a taste of her own medicine! (...as you can tell I have deep hatred for this woman and it takes a lot for me to hate someone) A 20-year-old child of divorce states, "At this point in my life, I'm almost positive I'll never get married. There is 0.5% chance of my getting married. I'm just so disillusioned by the whoe concept. I don't think my parents divorce as affected me negatively that much. Their marriage, however, has screwed me up more than I'll probably ever know."

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"In It For The Long Haul"

Everyone knows divorce is a long, pricey, and drawn out situation. It could be years before anything is settled. Usually the couples have to come to some sort of agreement before making any final decisions. It's not always the easist thing, considering they are probably in this situation due to miscommunication or being stubborn. I can unfortunately agree with this due to the fact that my parents are going through a divorce right now. I wish it had been gone about in a different way, but such is life. I'm just glad they both can still sort of talk things out and split the maritial benefits.

For Madonna and Guy Richie, things are finally over and done with. These two got married in a Scottish castle in 2000 and now are waiting for the days to wind down so they can declare this divorce final. Madonna originally petitioned for this divorce to Guy Riches, "unreasonable behavior." Dave Itzkoff states, "The two are expected to share custody of their sons, Rocco, 8, and David Banda, 3. Madonna also has a daughter, Lourdes, 12, from a previous relationship."

Some may say that getting married was one of the happiest moments in their lives. Some also say that it is only good for so long. You can tell if a couple is happy just by simply looking at their facial expressions. I say this in a sense or to relate this to a picture I have found of Madonna and Guy. This is the result of a good marriage gone bad.

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"One Crazy Thing Leads to Another"

Bruce J. Pardo of Covina is an unhappy man just recently coming out of a bitter divorce. His life took a turn for the worst. He killed nine people at a Christmas Eve party, hoping to take the life of his own mother, and then drive to his former wife's divorce lawyer to kill him and his family. Bruce had learned that his mother had sided with his former wife's opinion about their divorce and has been invited to party, given by his former in-laws. Sadly, she was not able to attend because of the flu. Luckily she didn't go or she too would have been a victim of this vicious crime.

Pardo "invented" a makeshift device that was supppose to spray gasoline over all of the guests, but something went wrong. It malfunctioned and exploded, leaving Bruce with burns all over his arms. After this happpened, he decided to change his plans of killing his former wife's divorce lawyer and family to his brother's house to kill himself. According to Lieutenant Buchanan, "We believe that he had some specific targets, including his wife and her attorney,” he said. “But he wanted to kill everybody. He was going to shoot anybody he came in contact with.”

As you can see, not all divorces are handled in the right way. Most of us are use to couples not getting along or one cheating on the other. This is a man that was insane and felt that it was absolutely necessary to go on a killing spree to solve this dilemma. How bad can life possibly be to take nine individuals lives and yours as well?

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