"Celeb Divorce: Kelis and Nas Announce Plans"

Many people think celebrities are invincible. They think they get everything they want and their lives are nothing less than perfect. "They are living the life." Right now, for Kelis and Nas that isn't the case. This Hip-hop is set to divorce just months before their first child. Kelis has filed papers via top divorce lawyer Laura Wasser, citing "irreconcilable differences" and a spokesperson for the singer tells Vibe.com, "I can confirm that she has filed for divorce. We request the media to respect her privacy during this very difficult time."

They are expecting their son at the end of the summer. This couple met at the MTV Music Awards in 2002 and were married in Atlanta Georgia in July 2003. No time is the right time for divorce. It's a shame that such a young couple is going their separate ways, especially right before the birth of the first child.

Kim Hess states, "Why are we obsessed with celebrity divorces and the money that is to be had when love goes sour? I'm not quite sure, but I think it has something to do with the intrigue that the rich and famous are people too. Sometimes bitter, stingy, and angry people, Yep, it's just not your ex! Divorce is a hard, sad, time for them as well. But being able to walk away with millions of dollars and knowing you don't have to be married to that person anymore...priceless!"

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"The Price You Have To Pay"

People have many fears in life. I know my biggest fear is death. According to Kevin McDonald, "Death is the final stage of life, something we all must face. But many people go through another kind of death well before the coffin. It's divorce."

Divorce is death of a marital relationship. "Divorce is big business in the United States. According to maritalstatus.com, a Web site geared toward divorce and remarriage, divorce is a $28 billion-a-year industry with an average cost of about $20,000." When a divorce is final, most couples hire an attorney to make sure that assets, child support, alimony and other aspects are handled fairly. The legal fees are generally lower than a mediated or contested divorce. Here's a general rule of thumb: "The more complicated and emotional the divorce, the more expensive it will be, according to several attorneys nationwide."

Most lawyers charge an hourly rate, so expect to pay between $100 and $450 an hour, says Jan Warner of Columbia, S.C., a divorce attorney for 30 years. "Some lawyers may charge as little as $75 an hour, according to maritalstatus.com, with an up-front retainer of $500 to $10,000."
A retainer is the initial fee you pay the lawyer. The attorney's hourly rate is then deducted from the retainer. Once the money is gone, you pay additional money to keep the attorney on your case.

California divorce attorney Marilyn S. Slifman says many couples can't afford to hire a lawyer and are forced to look for other ways to settle matters. Some couples hire an attorney only for certain services. The choice is yours! "Separate the finances from the emotions. Think about the divorce as a business deal and what is best for you. Formulate goals and work toward them," says Wall.

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"Kidney or Divorce?"

When you walk down that aisle and make that committment, "Until death do us part" you're suppose to mean it. Being married and in love means you will do anything and everything for your husband or wife. Dr. Richard Batista's wife, Dawnell Batista, needed a kidney and he gave her one. But, when push comes to shove, and she files for a divorce, he asks for it back.

If doesn't get his kidney back, his attorney, Dominic Barbara of Garden City, said his client wants $1.5 million, which reflects in part the value of the kidney transplant. Robert Veatch, a medical ethicist at Georgetown University's Kennedy Institute of Ethics, noted that "it's illegal for an organ to be exchanged for anything of value." Organs in the United States can't be bought or sold. Being an organ don

or or actually just giving an organ away is a gift. Any human being should be thankful for receiving a "gift" like this and any individual giving this gift should feel and think very highly of themselves. It is the least selfish thing they could ever possibly do. "It's her kidney now and . . . taking the kidney out would mean she would have to go on dialysis or it would kill her," Veatch said. Going through a divorce can probably be one of the most heart breaking situations to go through. It can either end on good or bad terms. Not terms in which you are physically taking back an organ that is keeping someone alive; that's just sick and insane.

Supposibly Batista didn't even really want his kidney back. He said it was in exchange for visitation rights with his three children. He donated his kidney to her in June 2001 after she had undergone two other failed transplants when her kidneys stopped working. His first goal was to save her and his second goal was turn the marriage around. Their marriage was shakey because of her illness. In June 2005, Dawnell filed for the divorce. Batista said he was happy with his gift of life: "I was walking on a cloud. I did the right thing for her and to this day I would do it again!" In all, demanding for his kidney back was just a fake. In reality, he was fighting for his children, he just didn't go about it in the correct way!

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"Bed and Board Divorce"

There really isn't a legal proceeding to have a legal separation in New Jersey. The closest thing to a "legal separation" provided in New Jersey is a "divorce from bed and board."

In the 1950's and 60's, bed and board divorce was very popular. Back then it was considered a mortal sin. A bed and board divorce is not really a divorce, but more than a legal separation. In this specific divorce, the couple is economically divorced, but are still legally married. "The parties obtain a judgment that equitably distributes the assets, makes support and alimony awards, apportions debts, sells the marital home, and divides pensions." A divorce from bed and board does not get rid of the marital bond, it only states that the couple is now legally separated. The primary reason in obtaining a divorce from bed and board is to enable both spouses to maintain health insurance.

A major benefit of a divorce from bed and board is that a separated spouse can still receive health insurance benefits from other spouse's employee health plan. The health plan can't be terminated beause it's not a complete divorce. An advantage of this type of divorce is that it can be modified; the couple can apply for a suspension from bed and board. It can converted from a limited divorce to a complete divorce.

This is the type of divorce my parents are going through right now. They are not legally divorced, but are very much separated, until one wishes to get remarried. My mother is a nanny and my father works for Pepsi-Cola, so mother relies a lot on my father's income. She is an independent, determined woman and I have no doubt she could make it on her own. But, for now this is the situation they have decided to go along with. According to Johnny Carson, "The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money!"

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"Don't Let It Get The Best Of You"

Getting married at such a young age isn't exactly the smartest decision to make. You have to know yourself and the person you're getting yourself in involved with. You have to be happy and know what you want. From the very beginning, you set goals and expectations for yourself. Don't go any lower than those you have set. According to LJ Weitzman, "These young mothers and older women experience a 73% decline in their standard of living (many have to sell their homes) while their husbands average a 42% increase in theirs."

This is a true story coming from a young, 24-year-old woman that has been through it all: graduating high school, marriage, children, owned her own business, been divorced, owned a home, found her "soul mate," and had another child. She got married at 18 and had her first child at 19. She was raised to be indepdent. She never really relied on anyone. Of course, going through her divorce, her parents were there to support her. They gave her and her son a place to live until they could get back on their feet. Being an independent woman, that didn't last for long and she bought a house before the divorce was even final.

Her and her ex came from two very different families. He was from a "high class" family, where she was from a middle class family who worked everyday of their lives to get what they needed. He thought money grew on trees. Most of the timee, statistically financial problems are the main reason for divorce. Six months after the divorce, she found the love of her life. He was going through a divorce at about the same time. Life does get better after divorce! "I thought up this quote one day, shortly after my separation, and have lived by it ever since. “Good things don’t happen to people. People make good things happen.”

She would love to be a stay at home mom, but she doesn't want to rely on the man shes loves completely in financial areas. She wants to work her way through this. There was light at the end of the tunnel for her. Don't give up on a good thing!

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"Religion Comes Into Play"

Divorce is an overall major decision to be made. Who would have ever thought religious views would get in the way or affect the way your perceive divorce? If an individual feels that their faith or values will be "toyed" with, then this isn't exactly the situation they need to be in.

Mel Gibson takes religion very seriously. "If his epic film about Jesus weren't an indication, the church he built for Roman Catholic "traditionalists" like himself might be a giveaway." The real question is, how does this split from his wife Robyn affect his overall beliefs? Roger McCaffrey, founding publisher and former editor of The Latin Mass magazine and the publisher of Roman Catholic Books states, "He's a man who stoutly believes in the indissolubility of marriage, but now," McCaffrey tells PEOPLE, "this marriage problem is going to test his flexibility to the max."

He still will be practicing Catholic, and still receive communion. Therefore, by having a civil divorce he will not techniqually be living in grave sin. If Gibson decidied he wanted to remarry, he would file for an annulment like members of churches dealing with Roman Catholics. Throughout their marriage, Robyn Gibson took an active role in the church. In 2003, Mel Gibson states, "There is no salvation for those outside the Church. I believe it. Put it this way. My wife is a saint. She's a much better person than I am. Honestly."

Gibson is a man of his word. He truly believed that Robyn would be better off without. At least this was a more "successful" divorce, unlike others we have read about. Hopefully each seek happiness sooner or later. Religion plays a big role in a lot of people's lives and if a divorce if the answer to their prayers, then so be it!

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"Exploring the Unknown"

Let's take a look at this from a woman's perspective. Coming out of a divorce, we have to keep our guard up, especially if we were just recently cheated on. We tend to take things slow. According to womansdivorce, "Your first serious relationship after a divorce can feel like a breath of fresh air." It's not the easiet for any woman to let another man into their life after such rough times, whether it be cheating or just not getting along with one another. After some time has passed, things get a little easier and we tend to recognize our surroundings. The first man can make a woman feel so wanted and appreciated after a divorce. It may feel too good. It may not feel right first thing, but explore and keep your options open. Who knows, the next one you meet might actually be "the one."

Dating isn't necessarily your first option. Go out with some friends to a bar or the movies, have a good time. It not unusual for a woman to have many sexual affairs after a bitter divorce. So many emotions are buillt up to where you have no choice but to let loose. It's all a part of the healing process. Womansdivorce says it all. "This is a person that seems to be the answer to all your dreams. They're the "special boyfriends" that ease a divorced woman through the trauma - they're good to them; they listen to them; they're sensitive to their needs but never demanding; and they fulfill their sexual hunger." Have fun for now but be aware of all possibilities. Don't get yourself stuck in the same situation you were in before.

Don't be afraid to cut someone off though. If you aren't happy with the new relationship your in, be honest. Be the person your significant other wasn't when you were together. You can't hold back. You have nothing to lose. At this point, you just want to have fun, it's all about you, don't get caught up, and go with what your heart tells you. Happiness is key to success!

According to Dr. Laura Berman, "Dating is often a risky and adrenaline-pumping adventure, but when you date after divorce, hearts aren’t the only commodities on the line. Between kids, potential step-relations, money issues and exes, dating after divorce can be a tricky and stressful undertaking."

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"Doing What It Takes"

As a little kid, a lot of what I said and did came from my favorite movies. I had gotten in trouble one time for calling my dad a bad word and of course he asked where I had heard that word from. I simply replied "Kindergarden Cop," my favorite movie as a child. Nevertheless, I was grounded and the movie was taken away. Movies today show a lot of what goes on in the real world. Children tend to feed off their role models. What they see in movies is how they act in every day life. They'd never think that what happens in movies could really happy to them.

A favorite movie of mine that portrays divorce in a rather entertaining, odd way is, "Mrs. Doubtfire." Daniel Hillard, or as we all know him Robin Williams is an out-of-work voice actor whose wife Miranda is fed up with his irresponsibility and demands a divorce. Since Miranda is the main provider in the family, she gets primary custody of all three children, Lydia, Chris, and Natalie. Daniel only had visitation rights on Saturday evenings. This news is obviously heart breaking to Daniel or any father as a matter of fact.

When he sees that Miranda had put an add in the paper for a housekeeper, he changes the phone number so that he is the only applicant. He changes his voice several times, disguising himself as different older women. But, finally he finds the perfect one for the job, Mrs. Doubtfire. He had them all fooled for a while, until Chris saw him going to the bathroom "the wrong way." It was then that he let out his secret. That night Miranda and her new boyfriend, Stuart Dunmeyer invite Mrs. Doubtdfire out for dinner. This is where Daniel's cover was blown. He had secretively put pepper in Stuart's dinner (he's allergic) and had to perform abominal thrusts to stop him from dying. As he was doing so, his mask fell off and his real identity was revealed.

All he wanted was to spend more time with his children and he went to all lengths to make sure that was done. Of course the court felt that his behavior was absurd and sole custody was given to Miranda. She saw how upset the children were and asked Daniel to watch them after school, allowing for them to spend some time together without the supervision of a court liasion. This is a man who fought for his children, as any father should. I feel that this movie showed great determination and strong will. Any man should put their life on the line for the best things that ever walked into their lives. This was a good transition from all the other facts that I have provided; breaks the ice and shows what a real father would do!

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"Ask Him Not Her"

Concerning divorce, we always think its the man hurting the woman. He's either running around with another woman or not giving her everything she wants or deserves. But, in this case it was the other way around.

A dentist worth $8 million dollars (not good enough?) gets thrown on him one day that their sex life is fulfilling and that she would like to start swinging with other couples. He told her what he believes in will not allow for him to act in such a way. She says. "Well, tell you what I am going to take a boyfriend and you will pay for the apartment and expenses..If you don't I will divorce you, take the kids, and your money." Of course, like anyone in their right mind he said no and she did exactly what she said she would do. The courts ordered him to split the assets 75%/25% and then ordered him to pay $10,000/month in alimony and $5,000 a month in child support, all other legal bills, and provide medical insurance for her and the kids plus give them the family home.

Losing his kids and wife was awful. Not only did his family suffer, but his business did as well. However, the courts said that he could afford to pay the money ordered, even though he was in bankruptcy and put him in jail when he couldn't. When he went to jail, his ex's boyfriend knew someone and they had him marked as a child abuser even though he wasn't. He found himself facing people in jail who wanted to kill him, thinking he was a child abuser when actually he was there for not paying alimony.

Women can be crazy. Their needs have to be fulfilled at all times. Don't be too slow to think they won't pull anything fast. Can life really be that bad? Is anyone really that selfish to take everything away from someone or something that invested so much time?

Margarett Atwood quotes,“A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there is less of you!"

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"Daddy's New Friend"

Some time has passed and your ex-husband things it's the right time to introduce his "new fling" to your children. What do you do? Do you have the right to say anything? Is it the child's decision on what he or she wants to do? The tale of a true story....

About a month ago, a young girl went on a visit with her father and was accompanied by his new girlfriend. The young girl comes home to her father telling her all about it, "she is so pretty and her hair is so long." The mother had nothing else to think about except the fact that it was his new girlfriend. The father has obviously decided to bring his new girlfriend to his daugther's custodial visit. The mother calls to confirm this and he does confirm that this happened. Not only did his daughter meet this new woman, but former friends of the couples also did.

Trying to keep in her anger the mother asks, "what happens if she gets attached to...this one?" The father goes on to explain that she is genuine and very sweet and that their daughters best interests are at heart. The mother is in a really tough spot right now? How will she ever explain to her daugther that her father is physically attracted to his pretty lady friend? The daughter comes home from their annual visits telling her mommy about how daddy's pretty friend was holding her hand as they crossed the street or how she bought her favorite candy. All a mother can do it put on a fake smile and wipe the tears from her face.

Being put in a situation like this is not easy. My dad's new "friend" is believe it or not an old family friend. She will never get an ounce of respect for me or a day in the world to tell her story. She hurt my mother terribly and it is time for her to get a taste of her own medicine! (...as you can tell I have deep hatred for this woman and it takes a lot for me to hate someone) A 20-year-old child of divorce states, "At this point in my life, I'm almost positive I'll never get married. There is 0.5% chance of my getting married. I'm just so disillusioned by the whoe concept. I don't think my parents divorce as affected me negatively that much. Their marriage, however, has screwed me up more than I'll probably ever know."

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"In It For The Long Haul"

Everyone knows divorce is a long, pricey, and drawn out situation. It could be years before anything is settled. Usually the couples have to come to some sort of agreement before making any final decisions. It's not always the easist thing, considering they are probably in this situation due to miscommunication or being stubborn. I can unfortunately agree with this due to the fact that my parents are going through a divorce right now. I wish it had been gone about in a different way, but such is life. I'm just glad they both can still sort of talk things out and split the maritial benefits.

For Madonna and Guy Richie, things are finally over and done with. These two got married in a Scottish castle in 2000 and now are waiting for the days to wind down so they can declare this divorce final. Madonna originally petitioned for this divorce to Guy Riches, "unreasonable behavior." Dave Itzkoff states, "The two are expected to share custody of their sons, Rocco, 8, and David Banda, 3. Madonna also has a daughter, Lourdes, 12, from a previous relationship."

Some may say that getting married was one of the happiest moments in their lives. Some also say that it is only good for so long. You can tell if a couple is happy just by simply looking at their facial expressions. I say this in a sense or to relate this to a picture I have found of Madonna and Guy. This is the result of a good marriage gone bad.

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"One Crazy Thing Leads to Another"

Bruce J. Pardo of Covina is an unhappy man just recently coming out of a bitter divorce. His life took a turn for the worst. He killed nine people at a Christmas Eve party, hoping to take the life of his own mother, and then drive to his former wife's divorce lawyer to kill him and his family. Bruce had learned that his mother had sided with his former wife's opinion about their divorce and has been invited to party, given by his former in-laws. Sadly, she was not able to attend because of the flu. Luckily she didn't go or she too would have been a victim of this vicious crime.

Pardo "invented" a makeshift device that was supppose to spray gasoline over all of the guests, but something went wrong. It malfunctioned and exploded, leaving Bruce with burns all over his arms. After this happpened, he decided to change his plans of killing his former wife's divorce lawyer and family to his brother's house to kill himself. According to Lieutenant Buchanan, "We believe that he had some specific targets, including his wife and her attorney,” he said. “But he wanted to kill everybody. He was going to shoot anybody he came in contact with.”

As you can see, not all divorces are handled in the right way. Most of us are use to couples not getting along or one cheating on the other. This is a man that was insane and felt that it was absolutely necessary to go on a killing spree to solve this dilemma. How bad can life possibly be to take nine individuals lives and yours as well?

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"What Really Matters"

Mireya Navarro of the New York Times writes about Ina Chadwick and the tough time she is going through. However, it is not her own heartache, it's her daughter's. “You live through your child’s divorce,” said Ms. Chadwick. You grow very close to both sides of the family. You build a lifetime bond that you think will last forever. "Marsha Temlock, a retired family counselor in Westport, Conn., said her initial reaction to the divorce announcement of one of her two sons five years ago was, how could you divorce this wonderful girl? For months she fielded calls from the son and the daughter-in-law like a “switchboard operator,” she said, letting their divorce monopolize her life." Ms. Temlock eventually let go, but for Ms. Chadwick it was not that easy.

According to Andrew Cherlin, "Parents today are not only more involved in their adult children’s lives but they are also living longer and more active lives. "It’s much more common for adult children to have their parents still living when they divorce.” As you grow older, certain situations tend to affect people in a more personal way, allowing for it to bother them for a while. Aside from it being tough on the parents, they still find a way to help out their children. Ms. Chadwick and her second husband took out a reasonable sized loan to help their daughter and two sons keep their house. They did have lifetime plans, but they had to put them on hold to help their daughter. They said it was worth helping out their family. At the end of the day, it's family who matters the most!

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"Grandparent Rights"

Grandparents and grandchildren have very different relationships depending upon the family bond the parents have uplifted. I luckily have both sets of grandparents still alive and I am very thankful for that. According to divoresource, "Within the past decade or two, there have been dramatic changes to what was once a very traditional relationship between grandparents and their grandchild(ren). It's a shame that some children can't get along with their grandparents. After going through such a hard time with their parents going through the divorce, you'd think they would want someone to lean on.

A large percentage of grandparents have petitioned the court in the hopes of obtaining a regular visitation schedule with their grandchild(ren). Who knew the grandparents had to go through all of the pain and agony as well. There are two basic rights with repsect to grandparents and their grandchild(ren): custody and visitation. "Custody would be the legal rights and obligations consistent with that of the taking on the full-time parenting and rearing of the child(ren). This decision requires a major commitment on behalf of the grandparents and, if the parents are not willing to voluntarily surrender custody, the blessing of the court." I knew it would be a process for the parents, but not for the older generation.

"Visitation would be where the court sets a specific schedule of time that grandchild(ren) are to spend with their grandparents. Again, the actual applicable laws vary from state to state, so it is very important to understand exactly which of these laws do and do not apply to your own particular situation. It is wise to seek the advice of a lawyer, or, perhaps more cost effectively, conduct a little independent legal research." Not only does the child have to go through doing the "every-other-weekend" with their parents, but also make time for their grandparents. According to Marie Purnell and Beatrice H. Bagby, "Before 1965, a common law, granparents had no rights to visit their grandchildren over the objections of the childrens's parents. Since that time, every state in the nation has enacted statutes that endable grandparents to petition the courts for visitation rights." I'm glad things are changing. Maybe this will allow for children and their grandparents to connect on a more personal level. Having someone else to rely on may be nice during a time like this. Don't ever shut anyone out, you need the people you the love the most there for you!

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"Growing Up Online"

Rachel Dretzin and John Maggi's video (2008), "Growing Up Online" shows how many teens are using their spare time on the internet and how parents work themselves up over this. It touched base on all the negatives about the internet, but nothing about the positives. If it weren't for the internet, we wouldn't have all the communication capabilites that we need and have now. We wouldn't have the resources we need to get our everyday work done.

If it were any normal parent watching this video, it would scare them like crazy. Always wondering what their kids are doing, what they are looking at, who they are talking to, etc. The internet is capable of causing a lot of damage between families, I guess that may be one reason why parents are so uptight about what their teens are doing on the computer and why. However, it shows how much parents don't know. As Thersea has stated, "It shows the huge gap between the teens and their parents."

I agree with what Professor Daniels has linked in her blog, "We need to start thinking about our kids less as victims and more as participants." Parents are quick to think we are doing something bad on the internet. Sometimes that's all you can expect from certain teens, but not everyone is alike. Parents need to trust their kids, not consider them victims of the internet. If we were all on the same level, maybe things wouldn't be as difficult for parents to understand. Technology today is booming and it is hard for parents to keep up. I know my mom and dad are still getting the hang of things, my mom quicker than my dad. I am personally not a victim of using the internet in inappropriate ways. If I was do you think I'd help them become more accustom to my bad habits?

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"One Laptop Per Child"

Nicholas Negroponte's speech on giving one laptop per less fortunate child at the cost of $100 has thrown me for a loop. Negroponte's mission statement is as follows: "To create educational opportunities for the world's poorest children by providing each child with a rugged, low-cost, low-power, connected laptop with content and software designed for collaborative, joyful, self-empowered learning."

I feel as if it has its advatnages and disadvatnages. Everyone should have their own, limited access to the internet. The internet is not only a social network, but is also used for work-related projects. Children at such a young age, however should not have all the access they want to whatever is on the internet. Thersea makes a very interesting point in her blog. Are we that desperate to be giving children of such young ages lap tops they may destroy?

There are much more serious problems in the world than being able to give children lap tops. That money can be used in other important areas. According to CNN, “If we could get all the children in the world -- 1.2 billion of them between 6 and 12 -- to have a connected laptop that would be success. Roughly, half of those children have no electricity at home or school. The poverty is so extreme, and the environmental conditions are so extreme, we have to focus on them." This can't be considered a good thing. Right now the economy is so bad, that money should not be thrown away on something as little as this. Should we be buying lap tops or buying the natural resources that everyone may need or want? I feel as if there will be many different opinions on this topic, but when it comes down to it we have to consider what is more important in order to survive the harsh world we live in!

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"Peace At Home"

Getting a divorce is one thing, opening up to a whole new lifestyle is another. You become immune to your family lifestyle. It's all habit and routine; you don't want to let anyone new in. But, when one parent isn't happy and files for a divorce, most of the time you need to be prepared for someone else to "take their place." It has to be hard to watch someone you love walk away and watch someone else come in to try and compete. For this one family, times are tough, but they are trying anything to become one.

Claudia Copquin and Glen Ames are both divorced parents of several children. They have hired a family therapist to work out their issues. Small issues like if one kid gets queen-sized beds, shouldn't the others get the same? Arguments like this will arise a lot. The smallest things will irritate each individual. It's either one kid is mad, all of them are, or they are all teaming up against one one another. Hypothetically, the oldest should be treated the best and get everything they want. Jealousy obviously is the biggest problem for the two families. It's something they will all have to overcome eventually. "Studies show that people who remarry with their eyes wide open, who educate themselves on the issues, and/or get therapy--their chance of success is greater," says Dr. Adler-Baeder.

Becoming one is something that will never happen with what I'm going through. If this whole situation was gone about the right way, maybe. The "ideal" divorce would be that things just simply didn't work out. Cheating or sneaking around is crossing the line. The woman or man doesn't deserve any respect along the lines of family. It's something that will haunt them forever. People forgive, but they never forget!

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"The Second Life"

Before the internet was even thought of, communcation was limited. Back then, they didn't have all the access they wanted or needed in order to find someone, talk to someone, or simply look something up. Who would have ever thought that the internet would be used for social life: dating, friends, family, etc? Today the internet has been said to break up couples, cause fights, and even lead to divorce. It has been considered to be the "second life" for many couples. Allowing either the woman or man to search the internet to find something or someone to satisfy their needs. Sadly, for this British couple the internet took a turn for the worst.

Amy Taylor a.k.a DJ Laura Skye (20) and David Pollard a.k.a Dave Barmy (40) met in an internet chatroom. She moved all the way from London to be with him Newquay, North Cornwall. Like any other couple, their relationship started out great, having fun as a new couple in real-life and cyberspace. In the second life, they were two completely different people. They dressed differently and found themselves acting differently as well. However, one afternoon when Amy woke up from a nap she found David watching his virutal world character having sex with a prostitute.

As a result, Taylor ended their online relationship, but stayed together in real life. Taylor wanted to test Dave Barmy's character and Pollards loyalty by turning to a virtual female private eye called Markie Macdonald. He passed this test and Barmy and Skye got back together in the virtual world. In the virtual world and real life, they got married. Everything was back to as planned. Taylor sensed something was wrong though. Dave Barmy was chatting affectionately to a woman who was not Laura Skye a.k.a. Amy Taylor. It got so hard for her that she filed for an actual divorce. Taylor said, "People find love in lots of different ways." Pollard admitted that he was having an on-line relationship with an American woman and said that he didn't think it was anything serious or that he didn't do anything wrong.

All men say that it's never that serious or they didn't think they did anything wrong. David R. Hall states, "Contrary to the popular belief that living together before marrying is an effective way to reduce a couple's chance of divorcing, major studies in several Western countries show that couples who cohabit prior to marriage have a significantly higher risk of getting divorced than couples who do not cohabit before marriage." Living together before marriage can be a good and bad thing. A good thing because it allows for the couple to spend more time together to see if they're really ready for this. A bad thing because things already may be good enough and as time goes on they might get sick of eachother. For this British couple, things may have already been good, but David Pollard's addiction to this "second life" was something Amy Taylor couldn't tolerate. No woman or man should have to compete with something that doesn't exist at all!

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"Internet vs. Divorce"

The internet has its advantages and disadvantages. It opens people to a whole different world. It allows for people to communicate through email, instant messaging, facebook, myspace, etc. What people don't see is it's disadvantages. In the case of divorce, internet is said to be breaking up couples because one spouse is having an affair in a "second life." Other than what has already been mentioned, there are so many other opportunities open to each spouse. Opportunities in which sometimes they feel vulnerable or put themselves into sticky situations.

Couples become suspicious by hacking into eachother's emails or other online accounts. According to Brad Stone's Tell-All PCs and Phones Transforming Divorce article, "Divorce lawyers routinely set out to find every bit of private data about their clients’ adversaries, often hiring investigators with sophisticated digital forensic tools to snoop into household computers. Recently, I have just heard more and more stories about couples hiring private investigators to further look into what they consider being "sneaky." If you truly love the one you are with, you'll go to any level to save the relationship.

A lot of couples like to explore the internet. Some may have accounts on singles sites, have email accounts that are unknown to their spouse, or may be catching up with "old friends." Either way, this is not okay. In my previous blog I stated that honesty is everything. Stone stated in one case, a man suspected that his wife was having an affair. "Instead of confronting her, the husband installed a $49 program called PC Pandora on her computer, a laptop he had purchased. The program surreptitiously took snapshots of her screen every 15 seconds and e-mailed them to him. Soon he had a comprehensive overview of the sites she visited and the instant messages she was sending. Since the program captured her passwords, the husband was also able to get access to and print all the e-mail messages his wife had received and sent over the previous year." After what he found, he ended his marriage. For 11 months, she has been seeing another man.

The internet allows for access to anything. If it weren't for the many capabilities given to this woman, their marriage may still be standing today. If you compare the divorce rates now to the divorce rates before the internet was introduced, I feel as if they would be significantly different. People today take advantage of the ability to hide things and this is a big cause of why so many people are getting divorced. Hopefully people learn the true meaning of love and find out that the internet is not the way to find it.

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"The Secret Life"

Honesty is key in any relationship. Typically, being married is suppose to be one of the happiest times in your life. There is no reason to hide anything. Lies always snowball, you tell one lie then you have to tell another lie to cover up the original lie. Usually while going through a divorce it's hard to hide your assets if you have a good attorney. However, there are some cases where overseas or off-shore accounts can be disguised. Cash is the best way to hide excess money. Here eleven examples of how bending the law works at its best:

1. Collusion with an employer to delay bonuses, stock options or raises until after the divorce. You might find this information by taking the deposition of your spouse's boss or payroll supervisor, but more likely you'll need a forensic accountant.
2. Salary paid to a nonexistent employee. The checks will be voided after divorce. Again, you might find this information by taking the deposition of your spouse's boss or payroll supervisor, but you'll probably need a forensic accountant.
3. Money paid from the business to someone close--such as a father, mother, girlfriend or boyfriend--for services never rendered. The money will no doubt be given back to your spouse after the divorce is final.
4. A custodial account set up in the name of a child, using the child's Social Security number.
5. Delay in signing long-term business contracts until after the divorce. Although this may seem like smart planning, if the intent is to lower the value of the business, it is considered hiding assets.
6. Skimming cash from a business he or she owns.
7. Antiques, artwork, hobby equipment, gun collections and tools that are overlooked or undervalued. Look for lush furnishings, paintings or collector-level carpets at the office; income that is unreported on tax returns and financial statements.
8. Debt repayment to a friend for a phony debt.
9. Expenses paid for a girlfriend or boyfriend such as gifts, travel, rent or tuition for college or special classes.
10. Investment in certificate "bearer" municipal bonds or Series EE Savings Bonds, which do not appear on account statements because they are not registered with the IRS. (The government is phasing out these bonds, realizing that it is losing a lot of money..
11. Cash kept in the form of traveler's checks. You may be able to find these by tracing bank account deposits and withdrawals.

According to William M. Michaelson, "In most instances, effective searches require analyzing numerous financial documents and specific transactions, reviewing public and private records and discovering relationships and patterns among the data that indicate the existence of additional assets."

Relating this to a personal situation, I am currently in Florida for softball with my parents who are going through a divorce right now. Brining this topic up in front of them definitely started a heated conversation, but surprisingly they agreed at the end of the argument. Something like this they both said would never happen. "Whats mine, is yours!"

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"The Impossible--Agreeing in Divorce"

You thought agreeing while married was hard, how about in the midst of divorce when anything you discuss with your ex-spouse can never be agreed upon? There are several aspects of divorce that have to be agreed on, but a major part of it is ownership of property and debts. Who gets what when this is all over and done with? It's common for a couple to take it into their own hands, but if they can't come up with an agreement they take it to court and the judge will be the deciding factor.

There are two ways ways in which court chooses to divide up property: equitable distribution or community property. Equitable division are assets and earnings are divided fairly between the two. Often two-thirds of the assets go to the higher wage earner and one-third to the other spouse. Community property is when the entire property is owned equally or just by one spouse. Usually, the property is divided evenly, while each spouse keeps their own separate property.

Here are some rules to distinguish between community property and non-community property: community property includes all earnings during marriage and everything acquired with those earnings. State property of one spouse deals with gifts and inheritances given just to that spouse, personal injury awards received by that spouse, and the proceeds of a pension that vested before marriage. Property purchased with a combination of separate and community funds is part community and part separate property, so long as a spouse is able to show that some separate funds were used. Seperate property mixed with community property generally becomes community property.

Personally, I am not experiencing any of this right now and I hope it doesn't come to that. Decision making for the two of them isn't the easiest. Let's hope that agreeing after the divorce will be easier then during marriage!

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"Payment of Love"

Who ever knew that love could really be bought? "Alimony a.k.a spousal support is the amount of money your ex-husband has to pay you--or you pay him." Alimony may be awarded in the form of permanent, temporary, lump sum, or rehabilitive alimony. Alimony is very different from child support. Child support is a bunch of mathematical calculations and alimony is in the judge's hands. There are several factors that determine the amount and extent of your alimony payments, including: "the length of your marriage, your financial lifestyle, documented personal expenses, tax consequences, your ability to work, and your conduct."

Aside from these factors, there are also requirements and qualifications. Some requirements are: alimony payments must be paid in cash, can't be made if you and your ex-husband live together, you can't claim a tax deduction when filing a joint tax return, and alimony payments stop when the spouse dies or remarries. The qualifications also vary as well. How much you pay and actually receive depends on the state you live in. The needs of each spouse is taken into consideration as this decision is being made. Other states determine marital fault and go from there. According to a Canadian HR Reporter, "In Ontario, for example, it has recently been estimated that there are 90,000 unpaid support orders,representing $470 million in delinquent payments."

Each individual needs to make sure they fulfill their duties. Their duties are to make sure their children are happy and provided the ideal life, even if they aren't so sure what that life is for themselves. It can all be very simple if everyone just cooperates and follows the "thought out plan." I'm trying myself to make things easy for my parents. Hopefully other kids are trying to do the same.

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"Did You Know?"

In class today, Professor Daniel's showed the class a short video (4:22) from YouTube called "Did You Know?" It showed the relevance of technology from years ago to today. Several different aspects of technology were portrayed. Information was provided to me that I never even knew. The numbers were unbelievable. The amount of people who use technology in the world increases each and every day. I feel that people make their lives revolve around technology. Where would we be if this didn't exist? Would people shut down and not have anything else to rely on?

One piece of information that caught my attention was the number of babies born in China and India as the presentation was being given. It always interested me to know what other people in the world were doing at the exact same time as me. Something else that took me by surprise was that all the statistical numbers given were greater than the amount the United States. I always thought that we, the U.S. exceeded in everything compared to every other country. Technology is booming and it will continue to grow as the years progress. What will life be like 20 years from now? Will it better or take a turn for the worst?

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"Your Future, Your Choice"

Making the decision on whether or not divorce is the right thing for you is hard enough. But, who knew that there would be so many options on what kind of divorce to pick? Divorce is not a pleasant or easy decision to ponder over. It's a matter of whether you want to move on with your life or live your life unhappy for the sake of your children.

A no-fault divorce is exaclty how it sounds. "No one is at fault for the failure of the marriage. An uncontested divorce takes place when both spouses reach a mutual agreement to end the marriage. They are able to come to an agreement regarding division of property, any financial issues, children and other contenious issues. This type of divorce is quick and easy. However, it causes people to give up rights they didn't know they had. A simplified divorce is where there is no conflict between the spouses. Usually this type of divorce takes place in marriages of short duration. A limited divorce is similiar to a legal separation and is illegal in the states. Couples who need to arrange their finances and other issues settle for this divorce to give each other more time to settle their differences and come to an agreement."

It comes down to making the decision that will make both individuals as happy as possible. Hopefully putting aside their differences, they can come to an agreement easier then the decision they made to spend the rest of their lives together. This is not a decision to rush in to. It needs to be thought out and taken very seriously.Let's not make the wrong choice twice.

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"Will the Increase of Divorce Ever Stop?"

Most divorced couples feel the need to go their separates ways for reasons such as, sexual needs, unhappiness, or they simply do not mesh together anymore. A decision such as divorce needs to be a mutal feeling. It's not only a decision that will affect the couples lives, but their children as well. You never know how they will take it. They'll either take it as a feeling of guilt or as a sense of relief for themselves and their parents. Now that I am a part of every other divorced family, I feel it's important to share these statistics with individuals who also may be going through this rough time.

According to DivorceRate, the current divorce rate in American is 50%. For those who divorce in America under the age of 20, 27.6% are women and 11.7% are men; 20-24 years old, 36.6% are women and 38.8% are men; 25-29 years old, 16.4% are women and 22.3% are men; 30-34 years old, 8.5% are women and 11.6% are men; 35-39 years old, 5.1% are women and 6.5% are men. As you can see, as the population grows older the divorce percentage goes down. Most divorced couples, as shown, are under the age of 20 simply because they do not know what they want yet or they rushed into things too fast.

The divorce rate in America can vary in first, second, or third marriages. Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri said, "50% of first marriages, 67% of second, and 74% of third marriages end in divorce." Who knew I'd ever be so interested in statistics such as this. Hopefully these numbers will flatten out as the years go on. There needs to be more happy memories and less regret.

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